Thank you Mom...

My mother, Olivia, came to be with me at the end of her life. I went to Atlanta to spend my last birthday with my mom. Somehow, things turned upside down and she came back with me instead. She had always wanted to see my farm. There was just never time to do it until each moment was precious.
She had cancer and was in the end stages. We had said our tearful goodbyes multiple times over the phone. Only to wake the next day, her angry she was still here and me sad that she was still suffering. We didn't always see eye to eye. But we were always heart to heart. My mother was unable to raise me and my twin. She just was not capable. But she LOVED with every fiber of her being that much we knew.
So, she decided to come to my farm at the end. It was a terrible day of traveling. She was unable to take her pain medicine. The medication didn't lessen her pain, it just let her sleep a bit. She had to sit up and awake for 13 hours. She hadn't been able to do that since her diagnosis. An hour was a huge testament of her will to be present with us. 13 hours....we both knew she was coming here to die.
She got to have coffee with me one morning on the deck. She was watching the koi swim. Then softly closed her eyes and listened to the waterfall and the birds singing. The breeze fluffed her hair a bit and she sighed. "This is so nice. Everyone that has cancer should come here." We got a few other moments after that. She got to feed one of my horses an apple. Eat cucumbers out of the garden. Sit on the porch in the evening and listen to the crickets while her, I and Randy visited. My male dane became hers from the moment she arrived. He slept at her feet. Woke me up when it was time for her medicine.  Somehow he knew to be close but don't touch. He just kept himself right there available for her to pet him. She was aware and experiencing my life for only a couple days. Then she was done and set about her internal dialog with Jesus. She had several days of that. In the end I was with her. I will be forever grateful for that final gift from her. I didn't even know how important it was for me until after she was gone.
My twin, had been telling her to haunt her. So I kept up with the joke telling her to "remember to haunt Kelly. But I don't want you to haunt me. Show up as a bird or butterfly and let me know you are happy." Today is the one week anniversary. I took my coffee to the pond to sit in nature and contemplate. I noticed two new lotus blooms have started. And bananas already growing. Then, THEN, I looked up. A magnificent black and white bird (as big as a falcon) with a few twigs in its mouth was gloriously circling overhead. She was swooping around fast and then drifting slow. She landed in the tree over where my mom died. Then I felt LOVE coming from the tree. I cried just a little bit and thanked her. And LOVED her back. Then there were two circling with twigs. Building a nest in the tree where she died.
Then several hours later I am going through my emails and this was in my email today.
Perhaps we only leave
So we may once again arrive.
To get a bird's eye view
Of what it means to be alive.
For there is beauty in returning.
Oh how wonderful, how strange,
To see that everything is different
But know it's only you who's changed.
~e.h.